Help Me
by chan.nelson4444
Summary: How does Dixie really cope with her farthers death, can Jeff help her before she breaks down completely resulting in heartbreak for the couple. Will their friendship survive this? PLEASE READ AND REVIEW XXX
1. Chapter 1

**Sorry for the short first chapter, hope to everyone who reads it enjoy the fic xxx**

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Jeff held Dixie tightly, as they watched on as her farther had all the tubes being taken out of him, making him look like he was sleeping. As Jeff held Dixie he noticed no warmth, nothing he could just hear her silent sobs knowing there was nothing he could do. They stood there for a while, both silent except Dixie's occasional sob.

"C'mon princess, let's go home" Jeff knew Dixie seeing her dad there, wasn't going to make things any better.

"I want to stay here" She tried talking but her words just came out in a quiet muffle.

"You can't stay here Dix, he wouldn't want you to"

"I don't care what he wanted Jeff, I want to stay here" Her voice was a little louder; Jeff knew she was being stubborn but he couldn't let her stay there, it would need a lot of persuading.

"Princess please…" He was begging now, they had only been married a day. Although it wasn't a marriage for love, more one on friendship it felt more right to him then his marriage with Lucy. He only had to wait a few more moments until Dixie broke down completely, he knew it was coming he just wanted it to be when they were at home away from everyone. He caught her as she was unable to stand through the tears and emotion.

"It's ok Dix" He stood there, having her lean into him he was finding it difficult to support both of their weights. He felt her tears falling onto his chest,

"It's not ok Jeff, it's not OK" She managed in between tears. Jeff somehow managed to lead them both outside, trying to avoid their friends scattered around the E.D. Jeff took her home, this should have been a happy time for them, but it had been a tragedy for them both.


	2. Chapter 2

When they got home, Dixie gave abs a quick pet before going on the sofa and hugging her legs, resting her head on her knees. Jeff sighed to himself, as he heard her continuing to cry; Dixie was always the strong one but this had really gotten to her. This was meant to be a happy time they had only just got married, although people could argue it wasn't a real marriage, it was real to him even if it was to his best friend. Nobody expected it to end like this, her dad seeing her kiss another woman. He now knew why Dixie didn't want him knowing, he did get angry discarded her pushing her away in the last few days he had left. Dixie only had a few minutes with him, before his death this was the only time he wasn't annoyed at her. Then Dixie watched him die, Jeff was annoyed he wasn't with her and that he waited outside maybe that wasn't the best decision, he should have stayed with her. It was only when he saw her crying, that he went in to comfort her. He knew himself he was thirsty after not having a drink for a while, he called to Dixie hoping she would accepted his offer but he doubted it highly.

"Dix do you want a drink?"

"No, I don't want anything" She replied in a whisper, burying her head in her knees wanting it all to go away. She felt numb; like it wasn't her this was happening to, like she was watching it on TV. She laid down, all the emotion was making her feel worn out. She only wanted to make her dad proud, but she had done the complete opposite. She closed her eyes; trying to find happier times she spent with her dad. The one that came to her was when her dad had to take her to school when it was a school trip, they were already late but he said he was gasping for a smoke. Dixie started to feel more tears build up, remembering the day out she had with her dad as when they got to the school the coach left without them, that day was better than the school trip anyway.

"Come on princess, you can't sleep here" Jeff sat next to her still lying form on the sofa, stroking her hair softly.

"Why not" She opened her sore red eyes, looking to Jeff

"You'll do your neck in, come on let's take you upstairs" He continued to stroke her hair, noticing how tired she looked.

"I don't care; I don't want to go upstairs" She was starting to get stubborn; this was something she inherited from her dad too.

"Please Dix," Jeff was pleading with her, hoping she wasn't stubborn enough to start an argument about this. She didn't reply, so he put his hand in hers helping her stand up then going up the stairs. Dixie let go off his hand, going into her own room and closing the door behind her. He could hear her rummage around the draws, looking for her night clothes. He left to his room, lying on the bed fiddling with his ring. He was reluctant to marry Dixie, but he did agree he would do anything for her. He got out of his clothes, putting on something more comfortable to sleep in. When he got dressed, he stopped to listen he could her something from Dixie's room. He stopped dead, listening to the sniffing and muffled noises.

"Oh Dixie, what am I going to do with you?" He said to himself, knowing she was crying again. He couldn't leave her to cry herself to sleep, he knew it was her room and she forbade him from it but surely this situation would be different. He pushed open her door a little, seeing her under the covers rubbing her eyes.

"Dixie?"

"What is it Jeffrey?" She didn't even look up to him, there was nothing in her voice except sadness and grief.

"Can I come in?" He asked, still standing in the doorway knowing if she said no he would go in anyway. After her no response, he walked in sitting on the bed next to her. Feeling her shaking even under the covers from crying so much. She stayed still until she spoke.

"I knew I should have stopped him smoking"

"Aye?" Jeff asked softly, turning her so he saw her tearstained face in the moonlight, he rubbed the new tears away with his thumb.

"It was my fault, I'm a paramedic I know what smoking does to you I should have stopped him"

"Princess, he was an Adult he knew what he was doing"

"I still should have stopped him Jeff, then he wouldn't have got lung cancer" She turned back, avoiding his look.

"Dix…" Jeff didn't know how to respond, she was starting to feel guilty for her dads death.

"Just go Jeffrey" She mumbled, drowning in heavy emotion.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who is reading, if you are please leave a review to let me know what you think xxx**

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"Dix you can't be on your own like this" Jeff tried getting closer to comfort her, but she just pushed him away.

"I said go Jeffrey" She repeated moving herself further away from him again.

"Dixie I'm not leaving you like this" Jeff knew if he left, she would just brake down on her own he wanted to be there to comfort her and make her feel better. He promised her dad he would look after her, and this is what he intended to do.

"You should leave me," She replied in a moody manner.

"Stop being a stubborn cow, and accept the fact I'm not going anywhere princess" He made himself more comfortable, pulling Dixie towards him. She resisted at first but after several attempts she gave in knowing he wasn't going to let go. Crying herself to sleep on his chest, this was the first time they had shared a bed. Jeff didn't want to leave her, he felt her shiver he wasn't sure if it was the effects of crying to sleep, or being cold so he pulled the cover over her even more just in case. He continued to stroke her hair as she slept, she felt bad about him having lung cancer because he smoked. Jeff knew he was his own person, just as stubborn as his daughter so wouldn't have stopped no matter how hard Dixie tried. He soon felt tired himself and drifted off, still keeping hold of Dixie in his arms.

When Dixie awoke, her eyes were sore from crying in her sleep. She noticed a strange feeling her head wasn't rested on the pillow but Jeff's chest, his arms around her in a tight lock. Then she remembered what had happened the previous night and why that had happened. She was never going to see her dad again; she would never get the chance to make him proud. Dixie wanted her dad to stop smoking, she should have helped him quit then maybe he would still be here, and she would get the chance to make it up to him.

When she looked to Jeff he opened his eyes, giving her a weak smile.

"How you feeling today then princess?" he moved the hair away from her eyes as he spoke.

"How am I meant to feel Jeff?" She said sarcastically, moving herself out of his arms not wanting to be comforted or made to feel better. She got up, going into the bathroom splashing her face with cold water forgetting to shut the door so Jeff followed her in.

"Don't be like this Dix"

"Be like what Jeffrey"

"Your shutting me out, I only want to help" He tried to move closer to hug her, but she went around him avoiding his open arms. Going back into her room, he followed making her feel like a Shepard being followed by his sheep.

"I don't want your help!" She snapped, she didn't know why just all the feelings and emotions getting to her.

"Dixie, please" Jeff hated seeing her like this, he knew she was letting her emotions get to her, all he wanted to do was help her deal with them in a better way.

"Can you just leave me alone" Jeff knew she was getting stubborn, one of her skills. He still kept on, he wanted her to open up to him this way he could help her.

"Dix…"

"JEFFREY JUST DO WHAT IM ASKING AND LEAVE ME ALONE" She shouted, crossing her arms she couldn't understand why Jeff wouldn't leave her. Why he had to feel like he had to help, she felt responsible for her dads death and didn't want anybody's help. She had tears streaming down her face, she just fell onto her bed collapsing in tears. Barley hearing the footsteps behind her, and Jeff rubbing her back in circles.

"It's going to be ok Dix" He said, watching on as she broke down in front of him.

"No its not Jeffrey, I'm responsible for my dad's death"

"You can't think like that"

"Why not? I should have stopped him smoking,"

"He was just as stubborn as you, he wouldn't have given up Dixie" Jeff knew her dad loved his cigarettes, even after finding out about the cancer he didn't cut back but just continued.

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do, trust me Dix I really do" He pulled her up, resting her in his arms. Stroking her hair, and wrapping it in locks around his fingers.

Half an hour later they were both down stairs, Jeff managed to persuade Dixie to eat some breakfast starving herself wasn't going to make the situation any better.

"Do you want to come with me to take Abs for a walk?" Jeff asked as he sat next to her, she always loved taking abs for walks, but now everything that mattered to her just didn't anymore.

"I think I will pass on that and stay here" Dixie was hugging her legs, thinking of all the things she had done in her life that upset her dad, all the arguments all the harsh comments and all the times she let him down.

"Ok, won't be long" Jeff was only going to take abs around the block, he didn't want to leave her alone for long.

"No I will be fine Jeff, take your time" She gave him a weak smile as he put abs lead on, opening the door leading abs out.

"Back in a bit princess"

"Bye Jeff" She replied, she was now on her own like she wanted to be in the first place. When she realised she was thirsty, going into the kitchen something caught her eye. The set of knifes in the corner of the kitchen, she had never thought about doing this before. All the emotions and feelings was setting her on edge, making her not think straight. She pulled out the smallest knife, looking at it for a while then pulling up her sleeve. Some people said it made them feel better, and she desperately wanted to feel better, and was willing to give anything a try. Running the knife across her lower arm watching the blood trickle from the long slim cut she had made, those people were right it did make her feel better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Another update for you, sorry for any spelling mistakes, xxx**

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Dixie stood watching the blood continue to flow, the knife in her hand with her traces of blood. As the blood came out of her body, so did the emotions she felt better after feeling hurt and pain. She didn't know why but she did, she felt like she caused her dads death and wanted to feel pain and hurt. She put the knife in the washing up bowl, and put her arm under the tap running cold water over it. She winced as it stung, but that helped to any pain that she felt increased her feeling of satisfaction.

Looking at her arm, the noticeable red cut showing she ran upstairs to get a jumper so she could hide it from Jeff. He wouldn't understand that it made her feel better, she made a promise to herself not to do it again, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to keep that promise. If she did it carefully Jeff would never notice would he? Putting her jumper on, she looked at her reflection in the mirror, what had she become? What sort of a daughter was she for letting her dad down, she had done the right thing for making herself feel pain surely?

"Dixie where are you?" Jeff came in from walking little abs, getting worried as Dixie wasn't where he left her.

"Up here" She called back down, knowing that Jeff could never know what she had done. Jeff's footsteps coming up the stairs, looking on at her from the doorway of her room.

"You ok Dix?" Jeff looked on concerned,

"Yeah I'm fine mate, I've been thinking we need to get dad's funereal sorted" Dixie replied, feeling different after what she had done, she didn't know if it was better or worse but for the moment she felt good, she only hoped it would last.

"I know, are you sure you can…" Jeff was concerned that it was too soon and her emotions were too high to be doing this now.

Over the next week emotions had been running high, it was only Jeff and Dixie who went to her dads funeral, there was nobody else. Dixie was annoyed that Jeff didn't leave her alone that day, she felt so down and she only knew one way that would make her feel better. The only chance she had was when Jeff took abs for walks, she was always quick making sure to clean up every drop of blood. She really felt like she deserved to feel pain for being a rubbish daughter. Each time, she made the cut deeper and longer, causing more blood to escape it seemed the more blood that escaped the better she felt.

Being back at work was hard, she was getting stressed out remembering how hard It was to sort out the rotas to make everybody happy. When she realised she was alone, she locked her office door, before turning to one of her draws. A small pair of nail scissors, which she stretched outwards making sure they were sharp enough for a clean cut. This time the stress was taking over, feeling lost and numb once more, she needed to cut deeper to feel the same satisfaction as she did before. There was a lot more blood, falling at an alarming rate but before she had time to clean herself up Jeff called.

"Princess, we have a shout!"

"Coming Jeff" She pulled down her jacket, feeling the warm liquid find its way down her arm. She exited her office, running towards the ambulance.

"You ok princess, you look a little pale?" Jeff asked concerned when Dixie got in the ambulance, looking over her pale complexion.

"Yes I'm fine Jeffrey we are wasting time" Dixie was starting to feel a little weird, sort of dizzy and nauseous. On their way to the shout, she noticed blood around her fingertips falling from the cut on her arm. She just rolled the sleeves around quickly, hiding her hand in the jacket. She though to herself maybe she had gone to far this time? Jeff didn't notice as he was too busy keeping his eyes on the road, driving at a steady fast pace. They arrived outside a small building that had collapsed, nobody else was there but them.

"Come on then Jeff" Dixie grabbed the medical kit, ignoring the dizziness and running towards the pile of rubble, they could see a few people outside the small building shouting for help, crowding over somebody who was lying on the floor. But for Dixie everything became blurry, she was unable to hold her weight and collapsed to the ground, gaining Jeff's attention.

"DIXIE"


	5. Chapter 5

"Dixie can you hear me?" Jeff asked in a worried state as he went to his wife's aid. He placed the medical kit beside him, while kneeling over Dixie who was lying on the ground motionless. Jeff cut through her jacket so he could insert in an IV line for fluids, but he came in for a shock. Seeing the long gash, that was leaking blood.

"Oh god, Dixie what have you done?" He felt tears falling from his eyes, looking at the scars that covered her arm and the newest cut. He placed on a pressure pad to slow the bleed, whilst another ambulance arrived tending to the people they were meant to be helping, but the only person he was worried about was Dixie. He took a long deep breath; will moving the hair away from Dixie's eyes.

"What have you done to yourself Dix?" He asked, but knowing she had been cutting herself. He know knew why she had been wearing long sleeve tops, hiding herself away from him. The other paramedic helped him load her on the ambulance, and drove so Jeff could stay in the back with her. Jeff knew she was losing a lot of blood, he felt like it was his fault, he should have noticed what she was doing. He had failed her as a husband, and he failed to keep his promise to her dad.

He wondered how long she had been doing it, and most importantly why she felt like hurting herself was better than talking to him. All this things made a new tear fall, he write down his wife's condition for the paperwork. He knew she hadn't been coping, but he didn't think it was this bad for her to result to this. As they got to the E.D he wheeled Dixie in,

"Kathleen collier; 38. Self-inflicted injury; on her right arm. Blood lose at approx. 800ml" He stopped noticing the gasps he got, as all their friends started rushing around her. He was forced to leave her in resus, and made to wait in the relative's room by Tess. He sat thinking about what had happened that week, most importantly after the funeral when they had an argument could he have caused this? He closed his eyes the memory flooding back to him.

_As the couple got home, Dixie went into her room avoiding Jeff's offer of a hug. Shutting the door on him and shut herself away. Jeff went to his own room, getting out of his suit to something more comfortable, he always did hate suits but he did wear them on rare occasions. He could hear Dixie once again crying from her room, he waited outside her door before plucking up the courage to enter. _

_"Leave me alone Jeff" she turned herself on the bed, so she was facing the wall with her back to her husband. _

_"Why are you intending on pushing me away so much Dix" _

_"I said leave me alone" _

_"Why do you want to be on your own Dix" _

_"JEFF WILL YOU JUST LIESTEN TO ME, I DON'T WANT YOU I DON'T WANT YOU IN HERE!" Dixie shouted with all her strength, putting across her feelings quiet clearly towards Jeff. _

_"WILL YOU STOP BEING SUCH A STUBBON COW AND LET ME HELP!" Jeff was annoyed at her being so stubborn and reluctant towards him, not letting him near her._

_"OH SO IM A COW THEN AM I?" Dixie stood up, folding her arms her emotions eating away at her silently without anybody knowing._

_"Dix you know I didn't mean it like that" Jeff only just realised what he just said, she normally laughed it off but this time she was taking it differently._

_"JUST GET OUT JEFFREY" She pointed to the door, showing her anger towards him._

_"YOU KNOW WHAT FINE I WILL" With that Jeff slammed the door on her, going to take abs for a walk. Unaware of what his wife was doing to make herself feel better. When Jeff got back he could still hear her crying, but left her as he knew he would only get an earful. But he was unaware that she was crying from the pain she had just put herself through, not because of what Jeff said. _

He frowned, thinking of how he could have done things differently. Different in the way that he could have found himself to comfort Dixie, and not let her do what she has done. Another tear rolled down his cheek, he should have stopped all this he should have found out before it had got this far. He didn't know why she was hiding it from him, why she felt like she couldn't tell him. Why was she hurting herself, what was making her feel so bad that she needed to be in pain?

He buried his head in his hands, but noticed her blood at his fingertips. Causing him to have the urge to throw up, running to the sink and up it came. He was violently sick, thinking of what she was doing, the fact she was doing it alone. Going through all that pain alone, he should have got her help. That was something he was going to need to do now, now that he knew there was no way of hiding it, everybody in the E.D knew. As if on cue, Zoe stepped in the room looking on as Jeff continued to be sick in the sink.

"Jeff are you ok?"

"Is that a question you really want me to answer" He said slowly as he slid down the side, until he was sat on the floor.

"Did you know?" She asked, looking down to him.

"If I would have known, don't you think I would have got her help?" Jeff asked, he was feeling annoyed for not knowing, he knew Dixie better than anyone.

"I was just asking, do you know how long?"

"No…" he replied rather bluntly, causing Zoe to frown but it was to be expected after what had happened to Dixie.

"She is going to be recommended to speak to a councillor" Jeff thought to himself this was going to make Dixie happy, if she didn't want to talk to her feelings with him why was she going to want to talk to a stranger about her deepest darkest secret?

"I know," He didn't take his eyes if the spot on the floor he was staring on.

"She is out cold, but you can sit with her if you want" Zoe offered, knowing he would want to be by Dixie's side.

"Thanks Zoe" he tried to give her a smile, but it didn't really work. He followed her in the resus, looking at his wife who was lying on the bed. Her light blonde hair; falling limply either side of her face. Both arms covered in bandages, but some of the scars were still visible, Jeff sat himself down bedside her. Tracing his fingers over each and every individual scar,

"Dixie what have you done to yourself?" He waited for a response but got nothing, so started to stroke her hair, looking at her pale complexion but her face did look peaceful. He frowned seeing all the bandages knowing she had done this to herself, and there was nothing he did to stop it. He rubbed his eyes, as he looked over his eyes going over every detail of her. He was brought back to reality as a high pitch long beep started, he stood up calling for help. Dixie was no longer breathing, blood was becoming more visible through each bandage on each arm. Everyone rushing around her once more, Jeff pushed towards the background of the picture.

"Oh god, Dixie no come on you need to fight this please. Im sorry babe but please pull through this, I need you Dix"


	6. Chapter 6

Jeff stood, watching over as everybody rushed around Dixie. Leaving him stood there, watching as they performed CPR.

"Dixie you can't do this to me" Jeff whispered coming to terms that he may be on his own, without his Dixie.

Ten minutes dragged on still nothing, twenty minutes still nothing. Zoe turned to Jeff, listening to his pleas of saving Dixie, normally they would have stopped by now but this was Dixie they couldn't give up on her.  
The whole room let out a sigh of relieve as Dixie started to breathe again, it had quite obviously been the worst twenty minutes Jeff had lived, the twenty minutes he was without Dixie. Once all her tubes had been checked he could sit with her once again, he rubbed circles on the back of her hand, enjoying her feeling of warmth, from this experience he knew he never wanted to be without her.

"What have you done Dix? Why didn't you talk to me?" Jeff whispered still rubbing circles around her hand; he wanted to know why she had done what she had, why she didn't confide in him about her feelings. The only person he was going to get theses answers from was Dixie, he watched over her feeling hopeless knowing she had been going through this alone.

"Jeff, once she is awake we are going to get in touch with the hospital councillor, get her the help she needs" Zoe put her arm on his shoulder, trying to comfort him but the only person who could do that now was Dixie. Zoe didn't know herself why Dixie done what she did, normally she was one of the happiest members of the E.D, but secretly she was doing something that nobody expected not even Jeff. She then checked over Dixie's vitals, slowly she was getting stronger.

"I've failed her haven't I?" he asked Zoe, not taking his eyes of Dixie.

"Jeff why do you think that?" Zoe stopped what she was doing to listen to Jeff

"I should have spotted it, I know her better than anyone."

"This was something none of us expected Jeff, you can't go blaming yourself over this"

"Why, I should have noticed what she was doing. The thought never occurred to me that she was…" Jeff couldn't even say it, it was too much for him to take in.

"It's ok Jeff; know that we know we can get her help"

"I should have got her help after her dad died; it would have stopped all this from happening"

"Jeff you don't know that for sure" Zoe understood how she felt, but there was no way of knowing that they could have prevented this from happening.

"Yes I do, if I would have got her help, she would have learnt to deal with it differently"

"You have to think of the future, she is going to need you more than ever"

"But if I have already failed her, what happens if I do it again" Jeff was scared of letting her down again and it having more deadly consequences.

"You haven't failed her Jeff" Zoe was trying to make Jeff see that it really wasn't his fault; he was going to really beat himself up over this.

"I have Zoe, and she died"

"We got her back Jeff" Zoe said, yes Dixie stopped breathing but she was with them now that was all what mattered, that she was still alive and on the mend. Jeff didn't say anything, just continued to stare at Dixie.

"Do you know how, I mean how she did it?" Jeff asked Zoe, wanting to know how she hurt herself so he could take precautions to stop it happening again.

"Her previous scars suggest a knife" Zoe said sadly, Jeff swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. From now on he wasn't going to leave Dixie alone, this way he could be sure it wasn't going to happen again he was determined to stop it happening again. She came too close to death this day, he was not going to let it happen again.

"Right…" He wasn't sure what else to say, the motivation for having a conversation was gone. If only Dixie could see him now, he was completely lost for words. He just hoped in the future this was something she could look back on and see how stupid she was, how she should have talked to him rather than injure herself on purpose.

"Do you want a drink?"

"No, I'm fine thanks"

"I'll be back to check on her in half an hour, if you need me before then I will be in cubicles" Zoe said, before going to leave.

"Zoe wait; thanks for saving her" Jeff was ever so grateful he didn't let her go, and that she didn't give up on her. Dixie was a major part of the E.D, nobody wanted to lose her, especially not Jeff Dixie was everything to him, and he wasn't sure how he would be able to cope without her. Then it came to him, he wouldn't be able to cope without her, he knew he wouldn't be able to go on living without her in his life.

"You mean too much to me Dix, I'm not sure how I would have coped if I lost you" He admitted, hoping she would wake up, but got nothing except her sleeping form. He continued to rub his fingers in patterns across her hand.

"What am I gonna do with you" He said with a little tear falling, not knowing how he was going to help her through this, but she would need him and he was going to be there with her every step of the way, whether she liked it or not. All he wanted was his old Dixie back, the one he could laugh and Joke with he just preyed she was still in there.

He put his head on the bed, hiding his head in the sheets sniffing and trying to keep himself together. He sat back up, and then rubbed Dixie's hair.

"I love you too much to let you do this to yourself Dix" He continued to stroke her hair, then noticed her eyelids fluttering then opening, revealing her scared blue eyes.

"How you feeling princess?" He asked, but she noticed her arms were exposed and began to panic.

"Tired, what am I doing here?" She looked around her surroundings realising she was in hospital.

"What have you done to yourself Dix?" Jeff asked, wanting answers as he was a very confused man.

"Nothing, they are just scratches I picked up out and about" She tried one last attempt of hiding her secret, but it was too late Jeff knew.

"Princess both me and you know they aren't, why?" He asked, wanting to know why cutting herself made her feel better than talking to him.

"Was it because of me?" He added,

"No" Dixie knew he would think it was his fault, that he wouldn't understand it made her feel better.

"Then why? Tell me princess, please tell me. Why?" He continued to beg, wanting to know why she was doing this.


	7. Chapter 7

"DIXIE COLLIER, IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF THAT BED NOW. I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOU FROM IT!" Jeff was shouting at his wife, who was refusing to move from her bed. It had been a month since she was put in hospital, Jeff tried he really did, but he couldn't get her to open up about why she done it. He was forced to arrange counselling, even though he didn't think it would help in any way shape or form. Ben Harding was far from his idea, of an ideal counsellor, Jeff's idea of an ideal counsellor was a tall slender young single woman, but he had to keep reminding himself this wasn't for him, but Dixie.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO, AND THAT IS FINAL" Dixie folded her arms, determined to stay in the warmth of her bed.

"STOP BEING STUBBORN, AND JUST GET OUT AND GET DRESSED" Jeff flung some clothes at her, they were late as it is, this would only be something else Ben would go on about.

"YOU CAN'T MAKE ME," She threw the clothes back to him, and laid back down pulling the covers above her head, and hiding.

"WATCH ME" Jeff pulled the covers back so the warmth escaped from her, and he flung the clothes at her once more, before speaking directly too her not impressed facial expression.

"Now you have two options, you can get dressed and I will take you, or you cannot get dressed and go in your pyjamas. What is it going to be?" Jeff lowered his voice, giving her two options either way he was going to take her, it was up to her how she looked when she went.

"I don't want to go Jeffrey" Dixie fiddled with the buttons that were on the back of her jeans, sounding like a child not wanting to go to school.

"I know, but you're not going to tell me are you?" Jeff asked a little hopefully, but that hope was torn away from him when she shook her head.

"So what is it going to be princess, clothes, or pyjamas?" He played with her hair, but she still held the jeans fiddling with the loose thread.

"Clothes…" She mumbled still fiddling with the buttons.

"Good girl," Jeff pecked her on the cheek, before getting up to leave her to get dressed. Ten minutes later she came down the stairs, where Jeff was waiting by the door to leave, he didn't like the fact her arms were covered it just drew more suspicion.

"Come on then princess"

"Do we have too?" Dixie made one last attempt, of getting herself out of seeing Ben.

"Yes" He took hold of her hand tightly, opening the front door.

"But…"

"Ah, no buts, you are going and that's final" Jeff ushered her out the house, keeping hold of her hand in case she made a bid, to run back in the house and shut him out. In the car, Dixie continued her rant, of not understanding why she had to go, but Jeff had learned to let it go in one ear, and out the other.

When they pulled outside the building, he sensed Dixie's unease that he also felt himself, but he knew Dixie needed help, he only wanted to make her feel better, although she was better physically, she was still an emotional wreck refusing to do the simplest of things.

Standing outside the door, Jeff already felt intimidated by his presence, in the room that was behind the door. Dixie went in first, so he was sure she didn't run off and leave him alone with Ben.

"Ah, Dixie how are you?" He took a gulp of his coffee, then pointed to the two chairs that was opposite his desk, Dixie and Jeff sat together their hands finding themselves locked together.

"Fine"

"I see you are married"

"Yes, but what has that got to do with anything?"

"Just wondering, you are a lesbian aren't you?"

"I'm sorry, but what has my wife's sexuality got to do with the reason we are here?" Jeff was confused, the only reason he brought Dixie was for the self-harming, he didn't want a marriage counsellor.

"I am just asking, why the sudden change Dixie?"

"I don't know, Jeff just makes me happy" She looked to the floor, still holding Jeff's hand for support.

"But yet you didn't tell him about the self-harm, if you trusted him you would have done this. Why marry somebody you don't trust?"

"I think that is a little harsh" Jeff came to Dixie's defence immediately.

"I'm just trying to build up a back ground, before we can deal with the real problem" He leant back, swinging side to side in his chair.

"Well how long is that going to take?"

"Depends on how willing you are to co-operate with me, and at the moment, you are not exactly co-operating are you Mr Collier?" Jeff bit his tongue, to stop him saying something back that would get him thrown out, but the urge was too much.

"I'm not willing to co-operate because I don't think you are no good, at helping my wife"

"You keep on referring to Dixie as your Wife, Mr Collier"

"What has that got to do with anything? Maybe that's because she is my wife." Jeff was getting touchy, he never did like Ben. The way he would expect you to talk about feelings, Jeff didn't understand how talking about things helped.

"Do you see her as your property, and that is why you refer to her as your wife?"

"I see Dixie as my best friend, who I care deeply about" He instantly defended his friendship with Dixie.

"You didn't spot the self-harm, is that because you are too ashamed" Ben brought up, Jeff already felt bad about this, Ben didn't need to make him feel any worse.

"Ashamed of what?" Jeff spat back, why would he be feeling ashamed?

"That you are married to a lesbian, tell me Jeffrey how does that work" He leaned forward folding his arms, Jeff was imagining punching him, that would knock the smug grin off his face.

"It works very well" Jeff managed to say, through his gritted teeth.

"I think that is enough for that session" He said tilting his head to the side a little, Jeff lead Dixie out of the room, holding hold of her hand tight never of them were expecting that.

Going back in the house, Jeff was the one who had the courage to speak first.

"You ok Dixie?" He moved her chin up so she was looking into his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine, going to go and have a bath"

"Right ok" He ruffled her hair, and watched as she left going up the stairs, he could hear the door shut, then the sound of running water. He sat on the floor next to Abs, Ben didn't once ask about why Dixie had been doing what she has, surely that is what he was supposed to be doing, Jeff sighed and tickled Abs behind the ear.

While Dixie was upstairs stripping off her clothes, and sinking into the warm bubbly water soothing herself of the tough day, it was hard watching Jeff go on to Ben. She wondered if Jeff was ashamed of her? After all he was married to a lesbian, she sighed putting her head under the water, to wash away the forming tears. When she lifted her head, she rubbed her eyes one object was gathering her attention, the razor on the side of the bath, she picked it up looking at the razor sharp edges.


	8. Chapter 8

Jeff got worried as Dixie had been in the bath for a lot longer than usual, he went upstairs to see if she was ok, opening the door not expecting to see what he saw. Dixie had her arm out of the bath, and the razor was resting on her skin dangerously close to many different veins, making his body shake.

"Dixie…" She noticed him in the doorway, then looked to the floor. Jeff walked in slowly not wanting to startle her, until he was sat opposite her on the floor of the bathroom. The razor was still pressed against her skin, making a lump form in the back of his throat.

"Why don't you give it to me?" Jeff asked softly, as Dixie handed him the razor reluctantly he took it placing it on the floor behind him. Then turning back to Dixie examining her arms closely, it seemed he had just walked in in time.

"Why?" he asked not understanding why she was doing it, she shrugged her shoulders making Jeff worry even more. He could see she was shivering where the bath water had gotten cold.

"Come on Princess" He got the towel from the radiator, holding it out ready for her and wrapping her body with it to keep her warm as she got out of the bath. He got her dry and put her in some warm clothes, once she was dressed he took her downstairs making them both a cup of tea then taking the two mugs into the living room, where they could talk. He placed the two mugs on the table and began to talk.

"Why? I thought you were going to try and stop" Jeff didn't understand why Dixie had done what she did.

"I'm a rubbish daughter" Dixie let it slip wishing she hadn't biting her tongue after the words left her mouth.

"Is that was this is about?"

"I let him down Jeff" Dixie couldn't hide her hate to herself for much longer the emotions were bottling up inside, they were too much for her.

"You didn't" He stroked her hair, she really didn't let her dad down he wanted her to see this.

"I did, I deserve to feel pain" He was shocked at what he heard, why should she feel pain? She was one of the kindest people you could ever meet; there was no reason why she should be in pain.

"No you don't Dix, listen to me you don't deserve to feel pain" Jeff couldn't believe what he was hearing, she really did feel bad about her dad finding out the truth. Dixie didn't reply but Jeff was glad she had told him that much, it meant he knew the bare bones of why she was doing this.

They sat in silence after what Dixie had just told him, he just held onto her not letting go. He was going to have to be really careful to make sure Dixie didn't try and hurt herself again, he didn't want things going one step too far. He watched every sip of tea she took, smiling as her pale complexion faded into one of colour,

"Do you want something to eat?"

"Can we have Chinese?" Dixie asked, making Jeff smile as he was glad she was willing to eat.

"Of course we can Princess" Jeff kissed her forehead, and ruffled her hair before getting up to order her favourite food. Once he finished ordering, he put the phone down and sat next to Dixie again he felt better having her sleeves rolled up as he could see there was no new cuts.

Putting on the television for background, he flicked the channel until he came to a film even if it was Ice age, him and Dixie were both kids at heart so this film would be fine. Having the take away and watching the film was perfect to him, as Dixie was in his arms eating and warm feeling better after telling him what she did. Jeff traced patterns on her shoulder noticing she soon fell asleep, he kissed her on the head gently then watched the end of the film with Dixie peacefully sleeping in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

**Here it is the last chapter, thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed and everyone who has reviewed xxx**

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Jeff kept a very close eye on Dixie that week, if she went into the kitchen he would follow he also kept a close eye on her arms, checking them at the end of each day making sure there was no new cuts, he didn't want her relapsing.

"Jeff I can get a drink without you following me"

"I know, it's just" He looked to the draw which held the knifes and forks.

"Oh great so you don't trust me now" Dixie retorted, slamming the cup on the side.

"Of course I trust you" Jeff stated, giving Dixie a hug, it wasn't that he didn't trust her he just didn't want her to hurt herself again, he was so scared of finding her with slit wrists bleeding to death.

"Well then why are you following me around like a lost puppy?" Dixie pulled away after a few seconds of being in Jeff's embrace.

"Because I don't want you getting hurt." His voice had a hint of sadness, making Dixie feel bad,

"I'm sorry Jeff" Dixie looked to her feet, her eyes starting to water.

"Hey, you have got nothing to be sorry for." He held her tighter this time, so she had no way of escaping his grasp. He could feel her crying so rubbed the underneath of her eyes removing the tears, moving them both on the sofa he cradled her as she continued to cry.

"You didn't let your dad down Dix" Jeff stroked her hair, as she continued to sniff failing to hold back her tears.

"I did Jeff, I deserve to be hurt" he could see her scratching her nails against her thumbs, so he held her hands tight stopping her nails from scratching, he could feel her hands relaxing in his.

"No you don't, please you have to stop thinking like this" Jeff wanted her to see how precious and special she really was.

"Why," She asked bluntly, then biting her gums inside her mouth.

"Because you are punishing yourself," Jeff kissed her head lightly, not wanting to let her go.

"I deserve to be punished, I should have stopped my dad from smoking, help him give up then maybe he would still be here now" Jeff was shocked at what he was hearing, but he now understood why Dixie was hurting herself, in her eyes she was responsible for her Dad's death but she really wasn't.

"Dixie there was nothing you could have done, your Dad was his own person. You saw him even after he found out he continued smoking, you inherited your stubbornness from somewhere" Dixie chuckled knowing her and her dad were always the stubborn ones of the family.

"I had the chance to stop him, and I didn't"

"Dixie…"

"No Jeff, I am responsible for my Dad's death, I don't deserve to be healthy or have you as a friend, you should leave me, throw me out, shout at me for what I have done" Dixie got up from Jeff, put he pulled her back down hugging her.

"Now you listen to me, you are not responsible for your Dad's death, you deserve to be healthy and no matter how much you try and push me away I am always going to be here, " he knew now why she felt the way she did, and he was determined to help her through this.

"That is everything, now you know why I did it, now you know how much of a failure I am. Now you know, do I still have to go counselling?"

"Yes you do still have to go, but we will get somebody different, I don't think I can stand Ben for another hour, if I do I will not be held responsible for my actions"

"You are not a failure Dix, you are going to pull through this" he added, continuing to comfort her.

"I don't think I can Jeff" she continued to sob, not sure how she was going to get through this.

"Yes, Yes you can you are strong, and I will be with you every step of the way"

"Promise?" She asked, looking into his eyes.

"Promise princess" Jeff kissed her lightly again, as Dixie smiled knowing Jeff was going to help her get through this, and he was going to be with her every step of the way no matter what.


End file.
